Umm I'm too high to move.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
