come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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