My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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