No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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