I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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