I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
