It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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