Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
