I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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