do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
