Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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