sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were trust falling into bushes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
