I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize