Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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