he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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