omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am midnight drunk by noon
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
