Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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