thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
