The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
