bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
