Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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