sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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