Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
