I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
