So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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