I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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