Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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