At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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