I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.