Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".