It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.