Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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