I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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