you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
