what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
