I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
