No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
