Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize