Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
