Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just invented taco cereal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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