Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
