So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
