I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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