I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
