Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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