went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
