new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
