I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
