yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Found the puke drawer
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize