i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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