Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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