Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
