I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
