Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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