I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
