omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
