don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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