K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is wine microwaveable?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
