my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize