i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
