I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
as a side note pls kill me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
