carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
