I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
