just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
