My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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