at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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