just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
