dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
whose ass print is on the piano?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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