I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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