Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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