Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
