i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she told me i tasted like america
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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