ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
