Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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